The Rules Of Girlhood

By Lauren

 

maybe if he can’t see you body

then maybe you’ll be safe

but you had better carry your keys

between your fingers

just incase

 

It seems to me that women are constantly being told that they need to defend themselves.  In a society that perpetuates rape culture, it does make sense to be prepared when walking home alone at night. But WHY are we teaching our daughters to hide their cleavage and carry pepper spray instead of focusing on teaching consent in their sex ed classes?  Maybe, we should just start teaching our kids NOT to rape, instead of DON’T get raped.  What a concept.  

 

Growing up, I followed this set “rules to girlhood” that seemed to be laid out for me.  I never walked home alone in the dark, I always had my keys handy and my phone charged.  I played basketball competitively and could easily hold my ground if I had to.  I dressed as modestly as I could, which was hard for a 5’9 eighth grader with double d’s.  I was constantly taunted by my classmates; there was no hoodie baggy enough.  Still, somehow, in spite of my preparedness, I was victim of sexual assault on more than one occasion.  Being young with a lacking sex education (thanks Alberta Ed) coupled with my belief that avoiding rape was my duty, I was convinced that being assaulted was my fault.  I shudder to look back on that time in my life.  Society conditioned me, a 14 year old girl, to believe that I was less of a person because of what someone did to me.  This sent me into a spiral of depression and anxiety that I would have to combat for the next 4 years.

 

So, why is it, that in 2015, we are still not banding together to teach our children consent? Why aren’t we teaching them not to rape? And WHY are we telling our daughters to come home before dark, while we let our sons stay out late, because “boys don’t get raped”?  Its mind boggling to me, and I’m certain that had I been taught what consent really was, had I been taught that being raped was NEVER my fault, I could have avoided years of personal struggle.  

 

This is not about my story.  This is about every child who is not receiving the education and tools they so desperately need to function properly in our world.  This is about the guilt too many victims feel for being raped, and the stomach churning entitlement all rapist carry.  This is the everyday battle of sexism we face, regardless of age, generation, or sex.

 

 

 

That Biological Clock

By Sydney

 

"When family members asked how many children I wanted, I said I wanted twins. It was the most efficient I figured - one pregnancy and two children - so I couldn’t be judged for only having one. I would still be considered a success story in their eyes. That was before I discovered a little more information: I didn’t realize childbearing was a choice until I was 13. I mean I understood how it all worked, I just thought that my opinion over my body was irrelevant."

 

For as long as I can remember, I have seen women gushing over the newness of babies, both in person and through the media, and for as long as I can remember, I simply did not understand their joy. It's not that I have anything against babies or children in general, because I don't, I just experience more excitement over the prospect of eating a chocolate bar.

 

Whenever I have voiced this, I have always been told told that I simply wasn't mature enough to understand, and that once my biological clock got ticking it would be all I would want. This brought about mental images of women exhibiting behaviour akin to a rabid squirrel and did more to frighten me than anything.

 

Each time my family reunited for the holidays, I was pestered by the female members of my family about my prospective family. Despite my attempts to dispell the misconceptions regarding the numbers of this family where the dogs I had pictured in my mind were replaced by tiny humans, they were met by this seemingly inpenetrable wall created by phrases such as "You will never find a husband with an attitude like that." and "You're just too young to know what you want." and "When you become a real adult, all you'll want is a baby!"

 

When I changed my response due to familial pressure to "I'd like twins," it was met with unwavering approval.

I have never understood why I have been regarded as a baby factory, with little respect for my other aspirations, while my male cousins have recieved no such invasive assumptions about the desires they are 'supposed' to have and their supposed maturity should they not meet these expectations.

 

I have always been of the idea that parenting is a calling and, therefore, not something that everyone is meant for. Some people are born desiring parenthood, and I admire them because I do not have the patience and it is often an underappreciated job. However, recognizing my lack of desire does not make me - or anyone else who is the owner of a uterus - selfish, immature, or simply an incompetent adult. It means that instead of family vacations, I can recognize that I picture planning a trip through Southeast Asia without worrying about an extra set of vaccinations or picking up the latest version of a 'Travelling With Children' guidebook. If that's fulfilling to me, why should it be considered negatively?

There is no sudden alarm clock that will go off with the express purpose of making me a slave to my hormones, but if there is, I will be the first to send out a notification.